Skip to content

Essays Developing Self Confidence

Before we start talking about the steps you should follow in order to boost your self confidence let’s think about the benefits that more confidence will give you. How would your life be better if you were more confident?

If you were confident you would definitely worry less and you would believe in your abilities to succeed in whatever you need to do. You would be happier and less stressed. You would feel more excited about living. New opportunities would become possible for you in an instant. Self confidence helps you to believe that you can overcome the most difficult of challenges and enjoy being successful. Your negativity would be a thing of the past and rather than listen to negative comments from others you would encourage yourself to be the fantastic person you know you can be.

Happiness is something that comes from enjoying the challenges that life throws at you and new confidence will bring you both success and happiness. It is often said that happiness is not a result but enjoying the journey you take towards achieving something. How can you enjoy your life’s journey if you are fearful and negative and lack self confidence?

Confidence will bring you benefits both personally and professionally. Getting a great job and becoming successful in it demands confidence. If you have it you will earn the respect of others and this will boost you further.

If you lack self confidence there is one enemy waiting for you who can strike at any moment. That enemy is depression. One way of avoiding depression is to build your self esteem. Liking yourself is a big part of becoming more confident. Your self esteem will protect you from negative comments and criticisms from others.

Follow These Steps to Become More Confident:

  • Build your self esteem by considering the things you like about yourself and those you don’t. Think about all the things you do like about yourself and write them down where you can read them each day. Now think about everything you don’t like about yourself. Could be your weight, your appearance, whatever. Here’s a truth: you have two choices for each thing you don’t like – either accept it or change it. You cannot change many things so you have to learn how to accept them. The things you can change such as your weight or your fitness you need to get motivated and design a plan to take action and create the change you want. You’ll need willpower but if you truly want to change something then YOU CAN.
  • One thing you may like to change is your appearance. You can chage how you look and how you feel very quickly by dressing differently. Spending some money on new clothes that make you feel great can have a very positive effect on you and those around you. If you look confident, you’ll feel confident.
  • One mistake people often make when trying to build self esteem and confidence is that they concentrate too much on themselves and forget that one of the most important ways to get more from life, (whatever you seek), is to give first. How can this help? If you give others compliments, smiles and positive words then they will return them to you. A giving person receives so much more than he or she gives. Be generous and kind to others and you will attract people who will help you to live a happier and more enjoyable life. Your confidence will soar!
  • Fears grow with negative thinking and if you avoid the things which scare you your confidence will drop. For example, giving presentations is a common fear but being successful at them will bring many benefits to you both professionally and personally. You should face your fears and work to overcome them so that your success will boost your self belief. Avoiding the things you fear most will make them stronger and hurt your confidence. No pain, no gain!
  • You may have a problem with shyness and if so this may make you avoid certain situations or social events. Being sociable is so important in so many areas of life and if you avoid social situations you find difficult the result is as we just described above. Being shy does not have to be permanent. It is something you can certainly change. I used to be very shy but I worked on it and now enjoy my life like I never could when I was suffering. Shyness will almost certainly affect your self confidence in a bad way so you need to do something about it.
  • Find your motives. What most motivates you? 1. success and achievment 2. giving to others 3. being loved. Once you know what motivates you then you can plan what to do to become more confident. Be careful about the third option though because being dependent on others for their approval and love is another trap so many people fall into.
  • Know your strengths and your limits. Start with your strengths as these are positive. What are your real strengths? How can you live your life and use these strenghts more? This requires self awareness. Spending time to better know yourself is the beginning of real self improvemant and is neve time wasted. After you list your strengths you do need to consider your limits so that you can decide where you need to improve or if there are things you should choose to avoid. Be careful not to confuse your real limits with your negative beliefs about your abilities. Honesty with yourself is a big part of self awareness.

The Most Important thing to Remember

We have looked aat some real steps you can take now to boost your self confidence and I have one final thing to say here. The most important factor of all in regards to your self esteem or confidence is what you think you can do, what you think and not what others tell you.

So be bold and go for it! Decide yourself what you will do and how you will do it and don’t give up until you succeed. The rewards are well worth it!

Take action and increase your self confidence! Download this recommended self hypnosis program now:


Self Confidence Trainer
(Double CD)

The Self Confidence Trainer leads you step-by-step towards greater confidence and self esteem.

next article


You and Your Self-esteem

by Jayaram V

Self-esteem means how you view yourself and treat yourself or how you regard yourself in your opinion. It is your opinion of yourself, which reflects in your self-confidence, sense of self-worth and self-respect. Low Self-esteem is a self-inflicted curse, a spell cast upon the self by a person who has learned to depend upon others for self-approval and positive feelings.

Many factors contribute to lack of self-esteem. What you want to achieve in your life, your goals, your relationships, your expectation from yourself and others, your successes and failures depend upon your self-esteem. People with low self-esteem remain dissatisfied with themselves and are critical of their achievements and successes.

They also seek other peoples' approval and show undue sensitivity towards any criticism directed against them. In the following essay, the author suggests how to boost your self-esteem and feel good about yourself. Also please read the notes why some people think they do not deserve the success and happiness they have in their lives.

Do You think you Deserve Success? One of the persistent problems that assail people with low self-esteem is the feeling that they do not deserve the success and happiness they achieve in their lives. A Hindi poet and writer who was very successful in his life and made a fortune once said in an interview that he was always worried that people would assume he was a fraud and did not deserve the success he had in his life. He felt so because he had low self-esteem and attributed his success to extraneous factors rather than to his own self-worth.

Such an attitude is not uncommon among people with exceptional talent, especially those who had a difficult childhood. It often leads to self-sabotaging behavior. It can be offset to some extent with positive affirmations and positive self-talk reminding oneself constantly that one deserves success and happiness in life like anyone else. Self-punishment and self-effacement are not the right solutions to resolve low self-esteem.

Constant criticism early in life and abusive treatment in childhood leave strong impressions upon people and make them feel worthless and vulnerable to depression and low self-esteem. Such feelings can be overcome by accepting oneself unconditionally, disputing negative self-talk, improving one's knowledge and skills and learning to evaluate one's self-worth more realistically based upon one's experience and observation rather than other people's opinions and judgments.

Suggestions to Boots Your Positive Self-esteem

by Julie Plenty

If you're tired of feeling "less than", afraid of making and achieving your desires and goals, feel that no matter what you do it is never "good enough", then your self esteem could do with a boost!

Having low self esteem takes an enormous toll on the quality of your life. You take fewer risks, which limits your opportunities, both personally and professionally. You are reluctant to voice or acknowledge your needs. You are probably also haunted by past mistakes and making future ones.

It doesn't have to be like this, the tools you've used to (unconsciously) lower your self esteem are the same ones you use to raise it. The following article gives you ten tips to raise your self esteem and improve the quality of your life!

1. Stop comparing yourself to other people. If you play this game, you're likely to compare yourself in a negative way and set yourself up for continuing to have low self esteem. Why continue to play a game where you've set the rules against yourself, so that you're less likely to win!

2. Don't keep putting yourself down! You can't develop high self esteem if you constantly repeat negative comments about your skills and abilities. Other people will pick up on it and take on board the negative way you view yourself. How are they likely to treat you? Also don't beat yourself up over "mistakes" that you've made - learn how to reframe them so that they work for you.

3. Using affirmations is an excellent way to raise your self esteem. It's the opposite of no 1. If you can program your mind to repeat negative phrases about yourself (and see how effective that's been!), then you can certainly get into the habit of continually thinking (and saying to yourself) positive statements about you. When you do, allow yourself to experience the positive feelings about your statements. Also use inspirational quotes to assist you.

4. Accept all compliments graciously. Don't dismiss or ignore them. When you do you give yourself the message that you do not deserve or are not worthy of praise, which reflects low self esteem. It also means that others will become more reluctant to praise or acknowledge your abilities, if you don't.

5. Take advantage of and use life coaching programs, workshops, books on how to raise your self esteem and develop a more positive attitude. Whatever material you see, read acts as subliminal learning, which means that it will plant itself in your mind and dominate your behavior. Talk about food for thought - what diet is your mind on? Is it a nourishing one?

6. Mix with positive and supportive people. Who you associate with influences your thoughts, actions and behavior - another form of subliminal learning. Negative people can put you and your ideas down and it lowers your self esteem. On the other hand, when you are surrounded by supportive people, you feel better about yourself, which helps to raise your self esteem. Learn how to develop your positive personal support network.

7. Acknowledge your positive qualities and skills Too many people with low self esteem constantly put themselves down (back to no 1 again!) and don't appreciate their many positive attributes. Learn how to truly affirm and value your many excellent qualities. If you find this difficult, ask others to tell you. They'll come up with things you would never have imagined!

8. Stop putting up with stuff! Not voicing or acknowledging your needs means that you are probably tolerating more than you should. Find out what you're putting up with and zap those tolerations. By doing so, you're giving yourself the message that you're worth it.

9. Make positive contributions to others. This doesn't mean that you constantly do for others what they could be doing for themselves. But when you do make a positive contribution to others, you begin to feel more valuable, which increases your sense of your own value and raises your self esteem.

10. Involve yourself in work and activities that you love. So many people with low self esteem stop doing those activities that they most enjoy. Even if you're not in a position to make immediate changes in your career, you can still devote some of your leisure time to enjoyable hobbies and activities.


Start taking action! The universe rewards action. Backing away and avoiding challenges means that your self esteem muscles become weak and flabby. When you start to take action - regardless of the outcome - you will start to feel better about yourself, develop your self confidence and raise your self esteem.

©Julie Plenty

Suggestions for Further Reading

Author: Julie Plenty is a Personal and Business Coach has techniques to build her own self-esteem and confidence and now helps others do the same. Julie Plenty may be contacted at